Diamond Mind Baseball League

The Newark Sugar Bears, with a three-game lead in the Hanover, now have the best record in baseball at 41-26; they're leading the league in runs scored (493) and in runs differential (+126). The Stanhope Mighty Men are keeping pace at 39-30, but behind them it's a long way to third -- the Brooklyn Bean Counters and Harrison Rats, tied at five games below .500 and 10 games out.

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Negotiations between Commissioner Yaro Z. Zajac and DMB Umpires Union Chief Richie Phillips broke down very late Sunday night. Phillips and his staff angrily stormed out of the meeting after Zajac, who owns the Vancouver Iron Fist, reminded Phillips of a controversal call in Game 7 of the 1997 World Series, when the Newark Sugar Bears came back to defeat the Iron Fist.

"I just told him I'm not going to let him blow these negotiations the way he blew that called third strike on Charles Johnson in the 8th inning," Zajac said. "The pitch is right down the middle but he calls it a ball. The next thing I know ka-boom, a non-original franchise has won the whole enchilada. It's so embarrassing."

Phillips said it's likely his union members will vote to strike and walk out during this weekend's Memorial Day slate of games. "Mr. Zajac can blow this," said Phillips, grabbing his crotch.

More news as we get it...

Despite dropping six of their last seven, the Vatican City Cardinals are ahead of the Arkansas Golden Falcons by the thinnest of margins, .597 to .594... As the two leaders continue to slug it out, the hottest team in the Morris Division continues to be the Vancouver Iron Fist, just one game behind the pair. The Iron Fist haven't lost two games in a row since May 1-2... Behind the trio at the front of the pack, no one else is within striking distance -- the Kentucky Hillbillies are closest, seven games back and one game under .500.

If Newark, Vatican City, Arkansas, Vancouver and Stanhope can all continue their march to the post-season this year, who will join them? None of the nine challengers has a winning record against the "big five," but the Carolina Mudcats have the best record (13-17, .433), followed by the Hoboken Cutters (8-11, .421) and Harrison (9-13, .409). You can find out this information and more on the new Team vs. Team Standings page.

Arkansas's Barry Bonds (.308, 4 HR, 7 R, 11 RBI) mashed his way to the top of the slugging percentage, RBI and HR leaderboard this week. Bonds also is in the top 10 for batting average (.337), runs (56) and walks (49)... Denied again for Player-of-the-Week Honors was Hoboken's Brian Giles (.346, 2 2B, 2 HR, 5 R, 9 RBI), once more finishing second in the balloting... It was an off-week for Vatican City's Alex Rodriguez (.250, 1 HR, 1 RBI), but teammate Carlos Delgado picked up the slack, hitting .500 (12-24) with 3 doubles, 7 R and 7 RBI... Phoenix's Luis Gonzalez also has been overshadowed by his All-Star shortstop teammate, but he made a case for his own spot on the roster this week (.467, 5 2B, 8 RBI)... Stanhope's Todd Helton (.393, 2 2B, 3 HR, 6 R, 8 RBI) and Newark's Manny Ramirez (.343, 7 2B, 1 HR, 8 R, 4 RBI) are also hoping for a ticket to Harrison.

Arkansas's Curt Schilling (8-5, 5.31) has been winning ugly this season, but he regained his old form last week, going 2-0 with a 1.06 ERA, including a clutch 2-hitter against Greg Maddux to stave off a sweep at the hands of the Vancouver Iron Fist and keep the Falcons a game ahead of their archrivals... Another starter living up to his gaudy W-L record is Newark's Darryl Kile (8-3, 4.76), who went 2-0 with a 2.12 ERA this week. Kile allowed just 16 baserunners in 17 IP this week... On the opposite side of the coin is Chuck Finley (3-4, 3.22), who was once again let down by Columbia's ineffective offense. He went 1-0 with a 1.98 ERA in two appearances this week, losing a 1-2 heartbreaker to the Iron Fisters... Hoboken's Brian Moehler (1-0, 1.04) got the call-up when Adam Eaton went down and picked up his first DMBL win in two years... Although most of the credit goes to the starters, we can't forget the firemen in the 'pen this week: Vancouver's Jose Jimenez (6-0, 3.47) recorded two saves and Scott Sullivan (3-2, 3.05) picked up two wins, Stanhope's Ray King (6-0, 1.84) notched his sixth win and Carolina's Bob Wickman (3-3, 3.57) picked up two saves and didn't allow an earned run in two appearances this week.

Three of the league's top starters were struck down by freak injuries this week, but none more mysterious than Stanhope's Dave Burba, who's been in a coma since Saturday. "We just can't figure it out," said catcher/assistant trainer Ben Molina. "We've taken X-rays, catscans, EKGs, ABCs, all that stuff you see on E.R. every week, but we still don't know what's wrong with him. I even tried this thing I saw on M*A*S*H where we cut open his throat and put a pen in it, but all that did was make him choke on the ink." Later that night, Molina -- who'd estimated he'd taken about 4,000 X-rays of Burba that day -- noticed his hair was falling out and he was vomiting up blood. He'll be out until the first week in June with radiation poisoning... Hoboken's Adam Eaton is likely to miss two starts after feeling a "twinge" in a pick-up tennis match against the Williams sisters. "This totally sucks, because after the game we were going to have an awesome three-way," Eaton said... Columbia's Rick Reed, 4-3 despite a 3.87 ERA and having allowed just 17 walks in 90 IP, was so frustrated by the offense's lack of scoring that he hired former Crusaders' slugger Ken Caminiti to be his personal hitting coach. "Put the Big Hurt (Frank Thomas) at first base and I'll be the goddamn DH," said Reed. "I hit .483 for McConkey's Dodge and Audi in Little League. David McCarty (.228, 51 Ks in 162 AB) couldn't carry my jock. Cammy is going to whip me into shape and then I'm going to go Babe Ruth on your ass." Sprinting in pre-workout warmups, Reed tripped and will be out until sometime after the All-Star Break.

Everyone admitted to being a little baffled when 37-year-old Will Clark came down with chicken pox. "We have three kids and they all had chicken pox last year, and Will didn't even catch a cold. I think he said he had chicken pox when he was a kid," said his wife, Danielle. "Now he's got all these red spots... and even weirder, they're only appearing on his, well, his Willie." Clark just nodded slowly. "Yeah... chicken pox. No way is it anything other than chicken pox." Clark said he'll be out about two weeks until the penicillen takes hold. "You can bet from now on I'm going to be wearing a condom... when I'm around women with chicken pox," he said.

From the "One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure" Department, rosters were shuffled this week as players bumped from clubhouse to clubhouse in a game of DMBL musical chairs. Rich Garces went from Philadelphia to Vancouver, Benny Agbayani went from Newark to Arkansas and Hipolito Pichardo went from Vancouver to Newark. Dan Miceli, Anthony Telford and Kevin Tapani were the players without a chair when the music stopped -- all were released this week. The Sugar Bears also signed former Newark starter John Burkett to a minor-league contract.

TWIB may have Ozzie Smith, but we have the better Smith! Zane Smith, former pitcher for the San Antonio Slingers and Sacramento Seahawks, now writes this column exclusively for the Diamond Mind Baseball League. Click Here for past articles.