(7/23/08) - TAMPA (ESPN) -- Tampa Bay Plunkers owner Bill Levesque stunned the baseball world today when he accused manager Ted Williams of locking him in a cage that the hitting great kept in his basement.

At a press conference, Levesque told reporters that Williams' actions had violated the "no abduction" clause in his contract.

Levesque said the clause states that the terms of the pact are void in the event the owner is "chained, handcuffed and forced to make silly noises while a Hall of Fame left-hander attempts to navigate an unlubricated broom handle into said owner's lower-intestine." (More)

(6/01/08) - TAMPA (AP) -- DMBL league commissioner Yaro Zajac promised swift punishment against Plunkers owner Bill Levesque after a box packed with vials of crack cocaine arrived last Monday at the locker of Marietta Mighty Men slugger Josh Hamilton.

The identity of the person who mailed the crack to Hamilton, a recovering drug addict, may have remained forever unknown save for a stupendous series of blunders by Levesque, whom police described as an "evil mastermind with the IQ of a retarded gerbil."

"Our exhaustive investigation revealed the return address printed in crayon on the box matched the address of Levesque's Tampa villa," said police Sgt. Will Fritz. (More)

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