Wickstrom To Self: You're Fired!
Rat Pack GM, Eric Wickstrom, has fired Rat Pack manager Eric Wickstrom. When reached for comment Wickstrom explained "This was the hardest thing I ever had to do. It's not every day you have to look at yourself and say simply, you suck and you're fired." "While I'm great at team building, I'm not fit to manage a Dairy Queen." The Rat Pack didn't waste any time in naming Jimmy Dugan the new manager of the Pack. Dugan, the former manager of The Rockford Peaches of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League (AAGPBL) could not be reached for comment as he's feared dead since the 1950s. When asked if he was concerned that a corpse would managing his team Wickstrom simply replied, "He can't do any worse than me" No word on whether or not Joe Mauer should be looking over his shoulder for Big Dottie Hinson or if crying would now be outlawed.
A-Rod joins Rat Pack
Alex Rodriguez is on the way to the desert. After years of failed attempts, Rat Pack owner Eric Wickstrom, was finally able to land the slugging third baseman. Negotiations started early yesterday evening and continued up until Midnight with both sides going back and forth. “Counter offers were coming in while I watching this weeks ‘Treme’ on HBO. Any other player I would have put the talks on hold as I can’t be bothered while watching “Treme.” However, Alex was worth hitting pause on the DVR for,” said Wickstrom.
The details of the trade have now been released. Vegas gets Arod and a 6th round pick while sending young star Matt Kemp, former top prospect Jay Bruce and lefty slugging third baseman Jorge Cantu to Amityville in return. “A win-win in my opinion,” Wickstrom said. “Amityville gets younger and most likely doubles their production next year with Kemp and Bruce. Alex gets to play for a championship for the next few years.” When pointed out that this is Rodriguez’s fifth team in past three years, Wickstrom didn’t hesitate to snap, “And his last. Alex and I have reached an agreement on a lifetime contract that will ensure he retires with the Rat Pack”
It's uncertain what this means for former top prospect Alex Gordon. With third base now blocked for at least the next five years, it would seem just a matter of time before he’s shown the door. “Not necessarily. We do play with the DH. However, it’s step up or get put out time for Gordon” Wickstrom offered.
With today an off day for the Rat Pack, Arod’s debut will happen tomorrow night in Vegas. When asked where he’d bat, Wickstrom scoffed, “Clean Up. Where else would you bat him?”